Sometimes I can't quite tell the difference between depression and disillusionment. Or perhaps they simply go hand in hand. It's in these moments that I feel convinced, that I have little to nothing to offer the world irrespective of objectivity.
Suppose I were given unlimited resources to live life in any way that I please... I still do not believe that my mentality will change; I will still be unsatisfied, not with what I have, but with what I am. I will still be the same person with the same past, the same memories, and the same brain matter that prevents me from being the kind of person whose happiness is affected by possessions and arbitrarily defined perceptions of "achievements." I will still see myself and others the same way that I always have. I may even become more embittered because I will have made myself accessible to the type of people who base self-worth and happiness on arbitrarily defined and superficial perceptions of achievement and success.
Perhaps I am not irrational in thinking that that there are useless people in the world who continue to exist because they've become masters at self-deceit; fancying themselves as the protagonist to a happy-fairy tale ending. Perhaps this is just me, realizing the truth; that I am one of those people all along?
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