It has been three or four months since I've seen my mother. Take that times six; twenty-four months, or roughly two years since I've seen my father. And though I should be relieved, it remains in my back of my mind as a constant reminder of having been left behind once again, for being what I am.
I was honest for once; I told him of my fears and sadness... It was the last time I heard from him. It was then that I finally knew that I was not strong enough to be loved. I am not enough. I never was, and I never will be, not in my father's eyes, at least. It is said that time heals all wounds. I wonder how much time it will take to heal this one.
My mother, on the other hand, has found a new home. She is alone now, though I think that she prefers it this way, despite her half-hearted attempts at including me in her plans.
By late spring, I will be leaving this place for good, and with any luck, it will become just another distant memory, ready to be forgotten.
4 comments:
Nice to hear from you again! I've been thinking of you here and there :). Now I'm so glad you got clean with your parents and you're leaving. You deserve that life, a better life without no one hurting you like that. But just a friendly warning, so much common history is hard to erase, it's hard to forget and it will hurt long. But you survived. <3
Thank you for the kind words, Tatyana. It's nice to hear/read someone else say them because it is so easy to fall back on doubting myself about these things.
Memories never completely leave you do they? Even when you forgive people, there is always a shadow of it left behind as a vague reminder.
I hope you are well (I never saw a blog in your profile when I wanted to see how you were and leave a message...).
You are enough huni, you are.. Everyone has their reasons, you can't blame yourself x I hope you are ok xx
I'm trying not to, though old habits die hard... I don't think I've been this depressed in a long time, though thankfully, this time I don't have to do it alone.
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